Just Some Thoughts

I have been feeling like we need to write about some of the serious things that happen on a mission. Much of it is too personal to share here, but some of it I can.

We spend much of our day talking with students about all kinds of things. Many of them struggle with great difficulties. We have listened to heartbreaking stories about abuse and neglect, feeling trapped and controlled, being persecuted by family members for their belief in the gospel, struggling against great odds to be good and do good. So much of the time I feel completely inadequate to help. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed and guilty that my life is so incredibly blessed. Teaching, knowing the struggles, has become an emotional challenge. Most of the time when I teach and testify of the Savior I have difficulty holding back the tears. I look at their faces and see their aching hearts and desperately want for them to feel the Savior's love for them.

I have felt the hand of the Lord in my preparation and teaching. I hang on to the hope that somehow my students will see God in their lives, will fully commit themselves to Him and be filled with His love. Their futures scare me, worry me and leave me wondering. There are things I can't explain to them; things that if they believed would matter so very much. What is absolutely amazing is through all the pain and struggle they find happiness in everyday life; what a lesson it has been for me.

How grateful I am for what I know and what I feel. I find great peace in knowing He has promised to care for 'even the least of these.' I have come to know without question that when we stand to be judged the most important question will be 'how have you loved?' I worry about answering that question. I worry my capacity to love is greater than I recognize. I worry I might have only loved those who are easy to love. I worry I might have neglected to find the ones who really need love because they frighten me. I worry my love has not been pure. I guess all any of us can do is to see His love and allow Him to perfect our own.

Thanks for listening; I love each of you beyond expression. MOM